Thursday, October 14, 2010

Satan's Unicorn

Apparently, there's a McRib Locator.  You read that right.  And a McRib was spotted in Manchester THIS VERY MORNING. 

What am I doing in Dover when McRib's are luxuriating in their burnt tasting brown "sauce" in the Queen City?!  How come I haven't run to Manchvegas when I know full well that a sandwich made from parts of the pig a wolf wouldn't touch is being topped with pickles less than an hour from here?!

Oh.  Right.  Because the McRib is Satan's answer to unicorns.  Mysterious, possibly mythological, items of pure ugliness and darkness that suck all goodness from every person, pet and thing that they come in contact with.  That must have had something to do with my lack of enthusiasm.

Now if they could just come up with a PizzaFest Locator, then my dreams would be answered!  What's that?!   They HAVE?!  And it's readings are showing a strong showing of pizza ectoplasm coming from downtown Dover, NH in Henry Law Park?!* 


See?!  Even Sky Sign is excited!


All I can think about is Pizza.  Monique said I accidentally called Niko & Misha, "Niko & Mozzarella" Tuesday night when I was drifting to sleep.  I got out of the shower this morning and accidentally dried myself off with a calzone.  That doesn't even make any sense!  We're not having a CalzoneFest!  I've had three Pizza related nightmares in the last week.  Surprisingly, none of them having to do with me being lactose intolerant.  Don't worry, double bandoliers of lactaid shall be strapped across my chest at all times Saturday night.

See you there!

* - I don't know why the pizza has ectoplasm on it.  Are they ghost pizzas?  Did ghosts recently touch some of the pizza?  And if so, did they at least use some of the sanitizer from the many museum Purell stations?  Ghost have germs too.  They call them, "ghost germs" and they were responsible for decimating an entire Lithuanian village in the late 1800s / early 1900s.  (They didn't keep good records of "ghost germs" then.  So while it probably only happened during 1898 or 1901, ectoplasmic historians sort of give you that 20 year window to cover their asses.) **

** - The historians aren't ghosts, they just study ghosts. 

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